"Oscar Fashion - Loves it Or Hates It" or "How to look like a radish rosette without really trying" by Nicole

You know it's a disappointing night on the red carpet when your fave dress is worn by one of the male nominees' wives. That said, this frosting-colored grecian number can TALK TA ME! Perfectly executed, by the way, as well. Minimal jewlelry and a sparkling clutch. Well done, host of Shear Genius, well done.

Oh wait, that's Matthew McConaughey's wife. Oh well. Still lovesin' the crap out of this dress.

The HATES ITs

Thank you, Vera Farmiga, for inspiring the title of this blog. That said, what the Farmiga were you thinking? The color is gorge, but the oddly-situated ruffles are reminiscent of a garnish we once saw on our plate of fish tacos at The Cheesecake Factory. It also reminds us of that fluffy gray creation Chloe Sevigny wore to the Globes. PS - we hated THAT dress, too.

Dear Faith Hill - we understand that "a Mississippi girl don't change her ways"...but we kinda wish she would. You look like a Saloon girl from an old Western town. The one standing around, fanning herself, while all the hot Saloon girls get the business in the back room.

Jennifer Lopez and Demi Moore - I'm so glad these two were photographed together. It saved me room in my "Oscars - Hates It" file for more pictures. J-Lo, please add "dresses made of lilac bubble wrap" to your list of things NEVER to do again. Right next to "Sing live on SNL" and "marry a waiter".

Demi - I'm trying to explain, in a non-vulgar way, that this dress looks like it was sewn from the extra skin lying around the office of Dr. 90210. I don't think it worked. Sick ass. Love the chunky, matchy-matchy shoes, though. That David's Bridal sure can dye the shit out of a satin platform.

Kate Winslet - you know those separates that just work together so well, you'd SWEAR it was an elegant evening gown??? Yeah, we don't either.

Sarah Jessica Parker - this dress was a bigger disappointment that Season 5 of SATC. I really liked it sitting down...from far away...not in HD. That said, you are still a fashion goddess in my eyes, and I am going to pretend that you had something WAY better picked out, but then James Wilkie drew on it with Sharpie and the twins threw up on the train. You had no choice. (...Please tell us you had no choice)

Zoe Saldana - this dress is beautiful. Kind of like how childbirth is beautiful. Oh, the humanity! I kind of want to hang her from a tree and whack her with a stick until Smarties fall out. Abrupt dip dye...and is that a SLIT?!? I need to sit down.

The LOVES ITs

Nicole Richie - There are very few 80 lb. four-foot waifs who could pull off this much of a dress, and most of them are gay men. Bravo, Ms. Richie for having the panache of a drag queen necessary to make this dress a winner. It's very "Bianca Jagger walk of shame"...in a good way!

Diane Cruger - Homegirl Loves herself some Chanel. Not that I can blame her. This dress definitely had its share of haters, but I'm rushing to its defense. LOVE the black details popping against the french vanilla crepe paper folds of the bodice and hem. And the center section, with the crimped-ruffle detail...well, let's just say it's a good thing this bitch doesn't eat solids. Another stunner from that bitchy gay, Karl Lagerfeld, that makes us want to have wine for dinner.

Shut your mouth, Molly Ringwald! I love this dress! Granted, I'd like to bust out my seam ripper and remove that art-noveau bit at the waist, and replace that cuff with a yellow-diamond bangle...but a hot dress nonetheless. It almost makes me forget about the droopy Laura Ashley florals from days of yore. ...Almost.

All in all, WAY more hates it than loves it. But hey, I got a blog out of it.

C'est la vie.

Hot Ass of the Week - Maybelline Line Stiletto: by Nicole

It's a proven fact that women (and trannies) tend to indulge in beauty products more when financial times suck the bag.

Never one to ignore a bonafide statistic (I also eat in front of the television and lose weight after a break-up), I brought my remaining eight dollars into my local Walgreens to continue my search for the perfect black liquid eyeliner.

Up 'til now, the search has been fruitless. Not that I haven't tried!

Almay - Too watery.
Physicians Formula - Dries out.
Yves Saint Laurent - I'd rather have the cash.

Due to a recent praise-fest in Lucky (choruses of angels heard in the background), I decided to give Maybelline's queerly-named Line Stiletto a try.

First impression - I like the packaging. Small enough to bring into the bathroom without the rest of the bar thinking you're going in to change your tampon. The price was pretty deec - only seven bucks and change. Pennies compared to that Physicians Formula trash that I'm now using to de-scuff my black leather shoes.

The moment of truth - THE APPLICATION. Smooth. Bump-free. And the COLOR! This stuff goes on blacker than Tyra Banks during a commercial break.

OOOH, child, I am in LOVE!

Somehow it appears shiny on your lid. Not "The Situation" shiny, but good shiny, you know? Like a black patent Loub. MMMMM....Loubs......

Anyhoo. Definitely worth the money and definitely worthy of HAOTW.


Enjoy, trannies!

"How to Dress Your Age" or "My Size Barbie Needs a Better Wig" by Tregg

In case you didn't watch VH1 Diva's Live (shame on you!), here is the dress Kim Zolciak wore that I discuss in the vlog below.

Enjoy and discuss.

Hot Ass of The Week: "Let's 'Bu This...In March" by Tregg

It's that time again. 

Spring breakers are returning to college from their trips to Ft. Lauderdale and young professionals all over the country are wishing they still had spring breaks to take.

Well, the West Coast Office of LIOHI just checked the forecast and that only means one thing:

LET'S 'BU THIS.

We're starting beach season off tomorrow.  Bring your sunblock, your anti-wrinkle SPF 15 facial lotion, and your Summer Jams iPod playlist, because we're getting tan before Easter.

"The Cancun Slim Down." by Tregg

Calling all readers of LIOHI:  I am mere weeks away from a family vacation to Cancun (thanks, you guys!) and I have been (half-heartedly) preparing my body for a virtual skin parade while at the pool and on the beach.

To catch you up to speed:  I have been exercising.  Granted, not a ton, but I am trying to do the most effective workouts I've done in, well, forever.  Outdoor running/jogging/hiking, indoor treadmill, weight training, and abdominal and core work are the name of the game.  On the food front, I am doing my absolute best to cut out starches after lunch, protein and veggies for dinner, and scrambled eggs (2 yolks, 3 whites) for breakfast.  I am doing pretty well, but these next few weeks are key.

I leave on March 12th for a week.  If anyone has any tips on last minute, but not too excruciating, diet/workout regimens, I'd appreciate it.  

Let's slim down, LIOHI just in time for the new summer beach season.

But don't you dare tell me to cut out alcohol.  Refer to our Bacardi and Diet post from months ago.

P.S.  Is the guy in that picture real or animated?  And is he wearing blue and black?  HATES IT.

What Price Clean? by Tregg.

Today as I was going to my parking garage to move my car out so my roommate could leave before me (damn tandem parking), I had to wait for the elevator to come back down to the bottom level before I could return to my apartment.  I couldn't believe that someone had called for the elevator in the minimal amount of time it took to get in my car, let my roommate out, re-park and head back over to the elevator.  Luckily, it came back down in an expedient fashion, so my frustration subsided.  As the doors opened, I noticed the cleaning supplies left in the elevator which only could mean one thing.  The cleaning crew for my building was here, which is a surprise since today is Friday.  However, I figured a clean building is a happy building, and I silently commended them for coming twice this week.

As I rode the three flights up back to my apartment to eat my breakfast that was waiting for me and had inevitably cooled to a temperature slightly below what I like to consume food, I stared into the bucket containing the cleaning supplies.  Standard, generic label products rest there, as I suspected given the fact no cleaning crew ever buys name brand.  However, one stand-out item alarmed me more than others.  There was an aerosol spray can, possibly window cleaner, that had rusted around the top where the nozzle is.  My question is:  How on earth could this can still have cleaner in it for a long enough period of time that it would accumulate rust?

I'm not sure how cleaning crews for apartment building work.  Perhaps they store supplies at each location and simply move the crew from place to place.  Or they might pack their supplies and travel as a full caravan, workers and supplies, to each property that KMK Management controls in Los Angeles.  Either way, they are at least cleaning my building once, or in today's case twice, a week using the same products.  If they take their products to other buildings, then the amount of use of each product goes up exponentially.

I ask you, devoted readers of LIOHI, when was the last time you owned anything that rusted?  If you have, I'm sure it was sooner than later discarded and replaced.  How little cleaning is my building doing?  What was in that can?  Is the thing being cleaned by that can also getting sprayed with rust particles?

I'm taking another shower today.

"I don't want my pubes on Facebook." by Tregg

I do love me some Facebook.  All of my friends are on it, and a good chunk of the boring parts of my day are filled by viewing new status messages and pictures that my friends post.  I like uploading pictures of my friends and me, too.  But I am going to draw the line:

I don't want my pubes on Facebook.

I've seen a trend where people, mostly those in Los Angeles, are posting modeling pictures of themselves online.  I totally get that.  They are generally sexy, well-styled, and photoshopped pictures.  Hell, I've thrown one up there myself from a company photo shoot I did for a work Christmas card last year.  It was fairly well received.  Thanks, you guys!

And while Facebook has implemented some screens to prohibit nudity from showing up on their site, but there seems to be one loophole that is being wildly exploited willingly by the Facebook users:  pubes.

That's right folks, pubes are running rampant on my Facebook, and I'm no prude, but I'd rather not have my porn so close to my Scrabble.  I know it probably says more about the company I keep, or the random photo albums I end up viewing because someone is in my vast Los Angeles network.  But who wants everyone to see them barely dressed and exposing their pubic hair?  At least have some class like this picture of the Black Crowes album, Amorica and detach your head from the pictures.  Otherwise, they may come to bite you in the ass when you run for president or Paris Hilton's My New BFF 2

HOT ASS of the week: "Britney Spears' body" by Tregg

First, can I say that after the whole "truck stop bathroom with no shoes" incident a few years ago, I am so thrilled to be able to blog about this.

Britney Spears is fucking hot as hell.  I'm currently trying to figure out how to have 2 children that I don't really want so I can eventually get into as good of shape as she's in.

What?

I've got to hand it to Britney.  Not only are the song and video amazing and a true return to form, but she is looking amazing while doing it.

Also, here's a kudo for Womanizer leaping up from #96 to #1 on the Billboard chart, breaking the record set by T.I. the week before.  It's her second #1 single since ...Baby One More Time a decade ago.

Bring on the world tour.

If you want 20% off, you better suck 20% of this dick

We're not sure why grocery stores have those club card membership programs, since they are free but they save you money, but we don't hates it!

After a long quest to find our favorite hair product, American Crew's Fiber, we saw it at our local Pavilions for 20% off.

Thanks, you guys!

Just short of stocking up for judgment day, we picked up plenty of our precious hair gel.  And thankfully we didn't have to perform any radical sexual favors.

God bless grocery store club card programs and their discounts.  Our hair and those who have to look at it thank you.

Let's Do This: Workout at Home DVDs

Just because the beach season is coming to a close, doesn't mean Loves It or Hates It plans on packing on the poundage for winter.  After all, we did skip the Super Bowl two years ago to go to Malibu.  It was 85 degrees in early February.  Thanks, you guys!

Our roommate picked up this treasure of a workout tape, and we rocked out the 20 minute core workout this morning.  It was actually very difficult, and the tension felt in our abdominal muscles was almost as palpable as the tension between Jackie and former lesbian fling Rebecca, who also appears in the video.  For those of you who don't watch the Bravo show Workout, you are really missing out.

Jackie looks amazing as do her hot ass trainers, and they give you a great ab workout while showing you ways to dial up the difficult or dial it down like the weak ass Renessa who modified every exercise.

There are also upper body and lower body portions to the DVD, totaling 60 minutes of fitness heaven.  Pick up a copy and say goodbye to that doughnut you ate from Gelson's yesterday.

Hates It: New City = New Stylist

It took us FOREVS to find a decent stylist in LA. Try after try, (salon after salon) without fail, we'd end up walking out unhappy and making a bee line to the nearest hat shop.

More often than not, the sitch played out like this:

::Hand stylist picture of the hair we want::

::Stylist looks at picture::

::Stylist looks at us::

::Looks at picture::

::Looks at us::

::Picture::

::Us::

::Picture::

::Us::

Stylist: "Your hair's NEVER gonna look like this."

Well, great. Who do we make the $150 check out to again?

Finally finally! After constant CitySearching and stopping people in the street (thanks, you guys!), we have found our stylist. He's quick, innovative, and just the right amount of gay. Flitty, but not like he's trying to be flitty, you know? Unfortch, he's also in LA ...and now we're not.

Hates it!

Guess we're growing our bangs out, after all. We'll keep you bitches posted.

HOT ASS of the week: "Origins Swept Away Gentle Slougher" by Tregg

I feel no shame.  This face doesn't make itself, it requires a little maintenance.

For some reason, Los Angeles in the fall makes my skin feel like sandpaper.  Where do I turn?  Origins for sure.  Ever since my heinous high school acne phase, I've been using this stuff to rid me of dry, dead skin and hopefully keep crow's feet at bay well into my 30s.

I've had my bottle for literally 10 years, so I'm not sure if you can still buy this stuff, but it works wonders if you can find it.  Gets the dead skin off and makes your skin feel great after.  Except I am still finding little exfoliating beads in my nose from using it this morning.  Small side effect for a pleasant result.