LIOHI: Decorates It

"Loves It or Hates It: Vacay-shs It" or "Tommy Bahama Mama"

"Oh My God, You're So Skinny(fat)" or "The LIOHI Summer Shape-Up"

LIOHI Takes the Cosmo Quiz!

LA Survival Guide: Part 2

LA Survival Guide: Part 1

Loves It or Hates It: Return of the Spoos

"Mail Sack Vlog: Part Two" or "Vegans: More trouble than they're worth?"

"I Think There's a Pinkberry where our blog used to be" or "Our Thoughts on Gossip Girl"

"Oscar Fashion - Loves it Or Hates It" or "How to look like a radish rosette without really trying" by Nicole

You know it's a disappointing night on the red carpet when your fave dress is worn by one of the male nominees' wives. That said, this frosting-colored grecian number can TALK TA ME! Perfectly executed, by the way, as well. Minimal jewlelry and a sparkling clutch. Well done, host of Shear Genius, well done.

Oh wait, that's Matthew McConaughey's wife. Oh well. Still lovesin' the crap out of this dress.

The HATES ITs

Thank you, Vera Farmiga, for inspiring the title of this blog. That said, what the Farmiga were you thinking? The color is gorge, but the oddly-situated ruffles are reminiscent of a garnish we once saw on our plate of fish tacos at The Cheesecake Factory. It also reminds us of that fluffy gray creation Chloe Sevigny wore to the Globes. PS - we hated THAT dress, too.

Dear Faith Hill - we understand that "a Mississippi girl don't change her ways"...but we kinda wish she would. You look like a Saloon girl from an old Western town. The one standing around, fanning herself, while all the hot Saloon girls get the business in the back room.

Jennifer Lopez and Demi Moore - I'm so glad these two were photographed together. It saved me room in my "Oscars - Hates It" file for more pictures. J-Lo, please add "dresses made of lilac bubble wrap" to your list of things NEVER to do again. Right next to "Sing live on SNL" and "marry a waiter".

Demi - I'm trying to explain, in a non-vulgar way, that this dress looks like it was sewn from the extra skin lying around the office of Dr. 90210. I don't think it worked. Sick ass. Love the chunky, matchy-matchy shoes, though. That David's Bridal sure can dye the shit out of a satin platform.

Kate Winslet - you know those separates that just work together so well, you'd SWEAR it was an elegant evening gown??? Yeah, we don't either.

Sarah Jessica Parker - this dress was a bigger disappointment that Season 5 of SATC. I really liked it sitting down...from far away...not in HD. That said, you are still a fashion goddess in my eyes, and I am going to pretend that you had something WAY better picked out, but then James Wilkie drew on it with Sharpie and the twins threw up on the train. You had no choice. (...Please tell us you had no choice)

Zoe Saldana - this dress is beautiful. Kind of like how childbirth is beautiful. Oh, the humanity! I kind of want to hang her from a tree and whack her with a stick until Smarties fall out. Abrupt dip dye...and is that a SLIT?!? I need to sit down.

The LOVES ITs

Nicole Richie - There are very few 80 lb. four-foot waifs who could pull off this much of a dress, and most of them are gay men. Bravo, Ms. Richie for having the panache of a drag queen necessary to make this dress a winner. It's very "Bianca Jagger walk of shame"...in a good way!

Diane Cruger - Homegirl Loves herself some Chanel. Not that I can blame her. This dress definitely had its share of haters, but I'm rushing to its defense. LOVE the black details popping against the french vanilla crepe paper folds of the bodice and hem. And the center section, with the crimped-ruffle detail...well, let's just say it's a good thing this bitch doesn't eat solids. Another stunner from that bitchy gay, Karl Lagerfeld, that makes us want to have wine for dinner.

Shut your mouth, Molly Ringwald! I love this dress! Granted, I'd like to bust out my seam ripper and remove that art-noveau bit at the waist, and replace that cuff with a yellow-diamond bangle...but a hot dress nonetheless. It almost makes me forget about the droopy Laura Ashley florals from days of yore. ...Almost.

All in all, WAY more hates it than loves it. But hey, I got a blog out of it.

C'est la vie.

Hot Ass of the Week - Maybelline Line Stiletto: by Nicole

It's a proven fact that women (and trannies) tend to indulge in beauty products more when financial times suck the bag.

Never one to ignore a bonafide statistic (I also eat in front of the television and lose weight after a break-up), I brought my remaining eight dollars into my local Walgreens to continue my search for the perfect black liquid eyeliner.

Up 'til now, the search has been fruitless. Not that I haven't tried!

Almay - Too watery.
Physicians Formula - Dries out.
Yves Saint Laurent - I'd rather have the cash.

Due to a recent praise-fest in Lucky (choruses of angels heard in the background), I decided to give Maybelline's queerly-named Line Stiletto a try.

First impression - I like the packaging. Small enough to bring into the bathroom without the rest of the bar thinking you're going in to change your tampon. The price was pretty deec - only seven bucks and change. Pennies compared to that Physicians Formula trash that I'm now using to de-scuff my black leather shoes.

The moment of truth - THE APPLICATION. Smooth. Bump-free. And the COLOR! This stuff goes on blacker than Tyra Banks during a commercial break.

OOOH, child, I am in LOVE!

Somehow it appears shiny on your lid. Not "The Situation" shiny, but good shiny, you know? Like a black patent Loub. MMMMM....Loubs......

Anyhoo. Definitely worth the money and definitely worthy of HAOTW.


Enjoy, trannies!

"Embarrassing People Vol. 1" or "Creativity Explosion" by Tregg

God bless our ability to express ourselves and our right to showcase that creativity in public forums without persecution.

At least without persecution until now.

LIOHI proudly presents the first in hopefully a very, very long series of embarrassing moments found on the internet, daily life, or perhaps amongst our friends.

Take a look at the video below, which I didn't even need to hunt down. It was proudly suggested to me on my YouTube homepage.

Enjoy. And discuss.

"Maggie Griffin for West Hollywood City Planner" or "Tacky, Yet On-the-Nose Names for Plastic Surgery Firms" by Tregg

After scoring a pretty deec parking spot on Santa Monica heading to Fiesta for Thirsty Thursday, I noticed this awning and the words inscribed on it.

At first I didn't want to post this thinking that making a My Life on The D-List reference would be too niche for our readers. Then I realized two things: 1) We barely have readers, and 2) They all watch that show.

Remember when Maggie Griffin called Facebook, Faceplace? I even think she called it "The Faceplace," which is more amazing.

I don't know what that store is for, but I'm hoping they sell memorabilia. I could use a new coffee mug.

"The future is nigh" or "I finally braved my iMovie program." by Tregg

That's right, folks! LIOHI has crossed over to YouTube. I am almost done uploading my first LIOHI video blog, and I am kind of excited. As soon as I was finished, I thought about changing my clothes and repositioning my laptop to do another video, giving the illusion that it was another day. But alas, I didn't do that and will only present one video tonight.

Warning: I did this VERY off the cuff and some of what I say doesn't make sense. For example, I don't explain who Kim Zolciak is, partly assuming that most of you would know, and partly because I forgot. And at the end, I meant to say I couldn't find a "clean" version of the song, meaning without the Ryan Seacrest junk on it. But after re-watching, that didn't really come across. However, there were some funny moments that I wanted to keep. And since I'm not about to start editing at this stage, I just kept it all.

Loves it? Hates it?

HOT ASS of the Week: "FRIENDS re-runs" or "How to Beat the Sick Ass Summer TV Landscape" by Tregg

While the summer is fun for several things-- beach visits, al fresco dining, treating weekdays as weekends like you're still in school-- one thing it lacks is loads of good, new television.  Now, I'm no hater of reality television, but a lot of the summer reality shows are like the stepchildren you receive after marrying someone late in your life.  You feel bad not loving them, but let's face it, they're a pain in the ass at this point.  Shows like Big Brother  and Top Chef: Masters  are laughable in my opinion.  Especially since reality TV also dominates the fall line-up, hello American Idol, summer reality series are literally the television equivalent of being picked last at dodge ball.

So what is an almost-mid-twenties bachelor to do?  Series record arguably one of the best sitcoms ever:  FRIENDS.

I watched this show religiously, but missed much of the final seasons while I was in college.  And once it ended I only sporadically caught it in syndication.  But recently I have found a new love for this classic show.  And besides the fact that I envy the fortune I know they were amassing while shooting this-- $1 Million an episode toward the final years--  I love it more than ever.

So this summer, set your DVR to record every FRIENDS episode it can find.  You will find yourself with plenty of good television to watch while you wait for Melrose Place to premiere on The CW.  Oh, let's do this.

"You Can Tell Jesus The Bitch Is Back" or "HOT ASS of the Week: Weeds Season 5 Premiere" by Tregg

Don't get all crazy on me, bloggers.  I know the headline is a quote from Gossip Girl, but I feel it's semi-appropriate regardless.  

I LOVE this show.  I watched the first season via Showtime On Demand back in 2006 and didn't quite love it.  But I stumbled upon Season 3 and then ordered Showtime for Season 4 and was hooked.  Thanks to getting Season 2 on DVD for Christmas, I have successfully devoured every episode.  And much like a pothead, I am craving a new season like a big old cupcake.  Or something else that people who smoke a lot of marijuana like to eat while high.

I'm treading in unfamiliar territory here, people.  Sorry.

I know it is a gross oversimplification to say Weeds is about pot, but I still find it noteworthy that I love a show so much and hate marijuana so much.  

I was watching the Season 4 finale just a few minutes ago for the second time, and there were two scenes that basically highlighted why Mary-Louise Parker is a goddess.

The first scene is when she's taking a bath and Andy knocks on the door.  She doesn't flinch that she's topless even though he's got a huge chub for her.  Then she dangles her sex in front of him asking him to fill up the tub with bubbles for her so she can tell him all the trouble she's in.

I have to remember that trick.

The second is when she's ordering Silas a gift basket from her OnStar system at what appears to be 11:00pm, so I can't imagine why some place is open.

"'Dear Silas, If I never see you again, I've been murdered'...Don't write that.  'Dear Silas'..."

Not that I needed a reminder, but seeing that episode made me increasingly happy to see a new season start tomorrow night.  The dreadful abyss that is the television landscape will be dramatically rescued for at least the next few months.  Would it kill Showtime to have 22 episode seasons?  I'm sure everyone that works on the should wouldn't mind the extra money.

"The Power of Parental Suggestion" by Tregg

This weekend my mom was in town helping me move to a new apartment. I love her dearly and knew her help would be invaluable. Because let's face it, if this blog didn't hate monotony, "Moving" would be the Sick Ass of The Week, every week.

Of course, the blessing of a parent's visit is that they'll buy you stuff. Food, maybe some clothes or a tank of gas. But when you're moving and a parent visits, you can expect a lot more. Or at least if you're parents aren't tightwads.

So on her last day, my mom and I find ourselves at Target. Yes, Angelenos, that Target on La Brea and Santa Monica. As usual, even at 8:30, it was overrun with people. I would never go there that late without the deadline of my mealticket's, I mean mother's, departure to her home state looming within hours. Why would you run to Target on a Monday night? And why would you run there to get batteries and chocolate like the couple in front of me? Oh...

My mom knows a lot more about setting up a home to me, so bascially our shopping trip proved to be a lot of "Tregg, do you need _____?" "Sure, mom."

This is where the guilt comes in. I was trying to not be frivolous, but every time she suggested something, I realized how great it would be to buy that now rather than wait and get it later.

For example, shower cleaner. I definitely needed it, but sometimes I feel it is an unnecessary purchase since one only cleans his shower every so often. I can save some money by not buying that, right?

"Do you need some body wash?"
"...yes."

"How about fabric softener?"
"Yes"

"Distilled water for your iron?"
You guessed it, "Yes."

I feel like my mom could have sold me a broken VCR that night. I was powerless to say no to her, partly because she was right, and partly because I felt she'd be hurt if I said I didn't need something she suggested.

"Oh, look at this new laundry detergent scent."
"Mom, I don't need that."
"Why, you ungrateful little bastard!"

Or at least that's how I imagined it would go.

The moral of this story is, your mother is always right and knows everything. Listen to her advice. And she should probably sell real estate in this poor economy. I'd buy a condo from her.

"A Sequins of Events" by Nicole

While perusing my closet this morning, in an attempt to find something sensible to wear on this rainy workday, I started to think about how our clothes reflect our lives.

Take my closet for instance - if a casual, non-objective observer were to look through my wardrobe, I am certain the picture they formed in their head of the wearer wouldn't look at all like me. In fact, it would probably resemble someone like this:

Sadly, I am not Lady Gaga. My life doesn't resemble hers at all. I have a full time desk job, and my nights are spent either at the gym, watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians reuruns, or thrift shopping (most recent score - a $5 vintage Dior jacket...thanks, you guys!).

So why, you ask, do I own a sequin bolero? I don't know.

The leather pants? Can't help ya.

Lace gloves? Patent leggings? Fur capelet? ...Who the hell knows.

It may be that, in my head, I yearn for Gaga's beautiful-dirty-rich lifestyle - or at least I want to dress like I do.

All I know is that, when it comes to my closet, Gaga would loves it and PETA would hates it....and maybe that's enough for now.

...Oh, give me a break, it's vintage. The animal would be dead by now, anyway.*

*Disclaimer: when it comes to animal cruelty...we hates it. No furry little bitches were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Loves it: A Chanel Brag

Texts From Last Night TOTALLY used our text!

(323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

Here's the original context:

nicole: Do you think an esthetician would be willing/able wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch?

tregg: oh em gee. that would be so hot ass

nicole: right?

tregg: i'll try to do it tonight on myself and get back to you

nicole: So, everytime a guy gets ready to pound on it i can say "Careful, it's Chanel."

tregg: bahahahaha ok, i'll do the Louis logo then

nicole: hahahaha

tregg3: so we're distinguishable from each other

...Thanks, you guys!

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

"Is that an Olympic Gold Medalist in your pocket...?" or "Why I loves that Shawn Johnson won DWTS" by Nicole

Carrie Ann Humminahummina was right - we all underestimated this petite powerhouse.

Earlier in the season, I definitely didn't expect Shawn to end up in the finals. The odds were certainly stacked against her. She's compact - probably about as tall as a My Size Barbie - with thick, muscular limbs that hardly compare to the lithe graceful stems of Melissa Rycroft in the carbless world of Ballroom Dancing. Yet, with each routine, she continued to improve, finally giving a proverbial "talk to the hand" with her electric Cha-Cha-Cha to Michael Jackson's "PYT".

The competition was stiff...but Shawn made us stiffer. (Hey-O!)

I found myself smiling like an idiot through each of her routines. Every twirl, every flip, every false eyelash made me feel full of joy and pride - as if I were watching a shorter, richer, more motivated, thick-thighed version of my younger self up there. Eh - who am I kidding? I had pretty thick-ass thighs when I was 17.

I'm proud of you, Shawn. You looked those tall, skinny, graceful giraffes in the ribcage and you gave them a big, glittery F.U. Now, it's gonna be YOU on the cover of US Weekly! YOU on Regis and Kelly! YOU using that Mirrorball trophy as a dress form!

Here are some shots of Shawn in action. ...Suck it, Rycroft.. There's a new twirl in town.

Loves it.