Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sick Ass of the Week: "Take That to the Dartboard" by Nicole (or Tregg)

Listen dudes, I know you probably think it's a good idea to walk up to a cute girl after last call, because you're probably hoping that she's drunk and willing to go home with you to blow you in your mom's basement...but here's a tip:

Don't do it to me.

No, really. I'm on to you.

Here's a little tidbit from an exchange I had last Friday with one of said dudes to scare you away:

Hopeful Douchebag wearing striped sweater: "Hey ladies."
Me: "What's up, Stripes?"
Hopeful Douchebag wearing striped sweater: "Stripes? Why you gotta call me Stripes?"
Me: "I don't know what the fuck your name is."


Ok, yes, I was mildly inebriated.

But the point is this: I know what you're after. I'm not into it.

Maybe next time you'll come up to me as soon as I walk in the door, tell me I'm pretty and you like my leggings, insist on buying me cran-vodkas all night, and then politely hint that you'd like me to blow you in your mom's basement.

You know, like a gentleman.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

"Oh, the weather outside, I hates it" by Nicole


Did you guys know that a Milk Chocolate Snack Pack has 120 calories?

Just one of many mundane-yet-fascinating discoveries I made during this weekend's bitch-ass blanketing of the Northeast.

To quote Danny Glover in every Lethal Weapon movie: "I'm gettin' too old fo dis shit."

Seriously. I am WAY past the time in my life when snow was a good time. As my niece and nephew scramble for their gloves and hats, eager to tromp through the powdery mess, I pull the covers over my head and pray for an end to frothy precipitation.

In other news, I broke in my silver peep toes and watched the entire first season of ALF on DVD.

So, not a complete waste.

I miss LA.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Yogurt slinging

Don't you hate it when you're about to put something in your mouth, but before you even start, it gets all over your shirt?

Oh, sick ass!  Not THAT kind of yogurt slinging.  We actually mean YOGURT.  Like this Yoplait, for example.  You people disgust us.

Don't you hate when you open the foil seal and a little bit of yogurt flies onto your shirt?  Whoever decided that yogurt had to be injected with some kind of CO2 cartridge upon packing is going to get a strongly worded letter from The Loves It or Hates It Complaint Department.  And by department, we mean us.

We will take our yogurt and enjoy it.  But please package it with a lobster bib.  Or, more appropriately, a yogurt bib.

P.S.  This is our LEAST favorite flavor.  Just in case you were planning on sending us yogurt, *cough* corporate sponsorship *cough* 

Friday, December 5, 2008

"HATES IT: Stupid LA Drivers" - by Tregg

Granted, I live in a heavily populated city where public transportation is seldom used. But I don't think it's too much to ask to bring the same decorum to Los Angeles city driving that you would in smaller towns.

For example, my most recent fit of confusion and anger stemmed from an encounter I had driving home from work. I was approaching a stop light where several cars were waiting in front of me. As we all stopped, I noticed a car drifting to the right of the lane, as if to either turn or street park. I ever so slightly positioned myself in the leftmost part of the lane, as if to take its place once it moved. Well, loyal readers, the car did not park or turn, and I ended up passing it. I didn't honk, or speed past the car, or even throw up a middle finger. (Secretly, I only flip cars off from underneath my steering wheel so as to satisfy my passive-aggressive road rage but not to upset anyone because they may have a gun.) However, I wish I had my middle finger waving in the air, because as I passed this car, the driver had her window down and stuck her middle finger up at me. I didn't realize passing someone who was driving like an intoxicated 13 year old was a problem, and it was easily the most confusing action ever taken upon me by a fellow driver.

I am not a perfect driver, but I will go as far to say I am very good. Above average. So I will not apologize to this woman, not like I'll ever see her again. And boy am I glad for that, because she was definitely wearing a blue oversized flannel shirt. My only regret, looking back at the incident, was that she didn't turn later down the road, so I could have yelled perfect retort back at her: "Nice flannel shirt, bitch!"

Too much?

For your (but mainly our) viewing pleasure

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Slightly embarrassed

Is it ok that we're kind of loving the new Jennifer Hudson song, "Spotlight" ?

Ugh, R&B music can usually ride us, but it comes on iTunes radio at work 5 times a day.  

Someone please validate this for us.  Loves it or hates it?