Time to Retire/This Song is Trash: "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (by Nicole)

Seriously? If I hear this song one more time in the car, I'm going to have to drive into a tree and just end it.

I can't. The saccharin-sweet lyrics, the sophomoric rhymes...someone kill me.

Why was this even a hit?? It's not even a good song! And as far as annoying melodies to get stuck in your head go, it ranks right up there with "It's a Small World"! I mean, COME ON!

It starts at my toes

Makes me crinkle my nose...

Choke me with a hose

Cause this song effing blows.

Honestly, between this shit-show of a song and "Unwell" by Matchbox 20, I'm ready to lose my mind.

What Price Clean? by Tregg.

Today as I was going to my parking garage to move my car out so my roommate could leave before me (damn tandem parking), I had to wait for the elevator to come back down to the bottom level before I could return to my apartment.  I couldn't believe that someone had called for the elevator in the minimal amount of time it took to get in my car, let my roommate out, re-park and head back over to the elevator.  Luckily, it came back down in an expedient fashion, so my frustration subsided.  As the doors opened, I noticed the cleaning supplies left in the elevator which only could mean one thing.  The cleaning crew for my building was here, which is a surprise since today is Friday.  However, I figured a clean building is a happy building, and I silently commended them for coming twice this week.

As I rode the three flights up back to my apartment to eat my breakfast that was waiting for me and had inevitably cooled to a temperature slightly below what I like to consume food, I stared into the bucket containing the cleaning supplies.  Standard, generic label products rest there, as I suspected given the fact no cleaning crew ever buys name brand.  However, one stand-out item alarmed me more than others.  There was an aerosol spray can, possibly window cleaner, that had rusted around the top where the nozzle is.  My question is:  How on earth could this can still have cleaner in it for a long enough period of time that it would accumulate rust?

I'm not sure how cleaning crews for apartment building work.  Perhaps they store supplies at each location and simply move the crew from place to place.  Or they might pack their supplies and travel as a full caravan, workers and supplies, to each property that KMK Management controls in Los Angeles.  Either way, they are at least cleaning my building once, or in today's case twice, a week using the same products.  If they take their products to other buildings, then the amount of use of each product goes up exponentially.

I ask you, devoted readers of LIOHI, when was the last time you owned anything that rusted?  If you have, I'm sure it was sooner than later discarded and replaced.  How little cleaning is my building doing?  What was in that can?  Is the thing being cleaned by that can also getting sprayed with rust particles?

I'm taking another shower today.

Time to Retire: Justin Timberlake

We own his albums.  We went to his concerts.  But someone's head is getting a little too big to fit in the room, so we're over it.

Justin Timberlake has been pissing us off for a little while, but now we're ready to throw in the towel for good.  Remember when he was on that dreadful show Punk'd?  He got so pissed that someone stole his hideous Escalade truck, and it was a total joke.

Recently, he perpetuated his douche status by retiring SexyBack at a recent charity concert.  The song came out 2 years ago.  Justin, we're sorry that SexyBack was a really popular song.  We're sorry that Prince told you "I've brought sexy back in 1984, and it hasn't left since."  We're sorry that all your fans request you play that song a lot.  Wouldn't Macy Gray like to be so lucky to have a SexyBack all her own?  Take the attention, and love it.  I would kil for a #1 single.  You don't hear Bill Ray Cyrus retiring Achy Breaky Heart, do you?

And one last point, Justin also recently announced on MTV.com that he is taking a break from his solo career and wants to focus solely on producing for fellow musicians.  How gracious!  Hopefully he won't make them retire their biggest single 2 years after it came out because it annoys him.  

Get out of our dreams and our car, JT.

Time to Retire: Plaid

We are taking a stand.  Admit it, you're guilty.

Plaid is hereby over.  Shirts, skirts, it's over.  Unless you want to look like a grungy lesbian, we think it's best that you stick to more flattering patterns like stripes, argyle, and even paisley.  

We've noticed stores like the Gap bringing the lumberjack look back for Fall 2008.  Now our loyal readers already know how we feel about Gap, but let's be more specific and talk plaid.  If you are a lumberjack, not that there's anything wrong with that, we will let you embrace flannel and all of the picnic table cloth goodness that emblazons flannel.  

But if you are going drinking, to lunch, or the movies, try not to look like a working class citizen.  We know you can clean up better than that.

And don't worry, we'll provide a list of what to do along with this rant of what not to do.

It's because we loves you.