I'll confess one thing to you all right now: I did not watch the Haiti Telethon. I'm sorry. At one point while I was at working, I turned it on several stations I knew were carrying it, and I didn't see it. By the time I got home, I had forgotten. That's what happens when I blast my "Shut It Down" playlist on the way home. My mind wanders off, and I lose focus.
But I did watch some of the amazing performances on YouTube and was very touched by everyone's involvement in such a great cause.
That being said, I owe it to myself and this blog to point out a few things that did this poor country no justice during this tragedy.
Beyonce's performance of Halo was a sight to be seen. First of all, she had a wig on that reminded me of that female muppet who I think was a hippie and had no eyes, just hair covering half of her face. What was her name? Secondly, she subbed in "Haiti" over the word "baby" in the lyric, "Haiti, I can see you halo, don't you know you're my saving grace?" That seems a little easy, but thankfully this didn't happen to another country, for Beyonce's sake at least. "Dominican Republic, I can see you halo." would've been a little clumsy melodically. And last, but not least, she didn't bother to rewrite the opening lyrics. "Remember these walls I built, well baby they're tumbling down." Yikes.
However, the song is very beautiful, and she did sing it very well. And a little more promotion for her I Am... Sasha Fierce album can't hurt, right?
Hearing Beyonce's personalized performance got me and my friends wondering how other musicians could tailor their songs to fit the cause, in the most tacky and inappropriate ways possible. [Warning, this will come across as insensitive, but I mean it only for a good chuckle. Frankly, I'll spare you all some of the more awful renditions we've concocted.]
"All my single Haitis / All my single Haitis / Now put your hands up"
"It's Haiti, bitch"
"Haiti, are you down down down down down?"
I'll stop now, but if this isn't received with hate mail and de-friending on Facebook, maybe I'll include more.
And yes, I'm donating money ASAP.
*Thanks, Nicole, for the amazing idea for the title of this blog