Monday, March 8, 2010

"Oscar Fashion - Loves it Or Hates It" or "How to look like a radish rosette without really trying" by Nicole

You know it's a disappointing night on the red carpet when your fave dress is worn by one of the male nominees' wives. That said, this frosting-colored grecian number can TALK TA ME! Perfectly executed, by the way, as well. Minimal jewlelry and a sparkling clutch. Well done, host of Shear Genius, well done.

Oh wait, that's Matthew McConaughey's wife. Oh well. Still lovesin' the crap out of this dress.


Thank you, Vera Farmiga, for inspiring the title of this blog. That said, what the Farmiga were you thinking? The color is gorge, but the oddly-situated ruffles are reminiscent of a garnish we once saw on our plate of fish tacos at The Cheesecake Factory. It also reminds us of that fluffy gray creation Chloe Sevigny wore to the Globes. PS - we hated THAT dress, too.

Dear Faith Hill - we understand that "a Mississippi girl don't change her ways"...but we kinda wish she would. You look like a Saloon girl from an old Western town. The one standing around, fanning herself, while all the hot Saloon girls get the business in the back room.

Jennifer Lopez and Demi Moore - I'm so glad these two were photographed together. It saved me room in my "Oscars - Hates It" file for more pictures. J-Lo, please add "dresses made of lilac bubble wrap" to your list of things NEVER to do again. Right next to "Sing live on SNL" and "marry a waiter".

Demi - I'm trying to explain, in a non-vulgar way, that this dress looks like it was sewn from the extra skin lying around the office of Dr. 90210. I don't think it worked. Sick ass. Love the chunky, matchy-matchy shoes, though. That David's Bridal sure can dye the shit out of a satin platform.

Kate Winslet - you know those separates that just work together so well, you'd SWEAR it was an elegant evening gown??? Yeah, we don't either.

Sarah Jessica Parker - this dress was a bigger disappointment that Season 5 of SATC. I really liked it sitting down...from far away...not in HD. That said, you are still a fashion goddess in my eyes, and I am going to pretend that you had something WAY better picked out, but then James Wilkie drew on it with Sharpie and the twins threw up on the train. You had no choice. (...Please tell us you had no choice)

Zoe Saldana - this dress is beautiful. Kind of like how childbirth is beautiful. Oh, the humanity! I kind of want to hang her from a tree and whack her with a stick until Smarties fall out. Abrupt dip dye...and is that a SLIT?!? I need to sit down.


Nicole Richie - There are very few 80 lb. four-foot waifs who could pull off this much of a dress, and most of them are gay men. Bravo, Ms. Richie for having the panache of a drag queen necessary to make this dress a winner. It's very "Bianca Jagger walk of shame" a good way!

Diane Cruger - Homegirl Loves herself some Chanel. Not that I can blame her. This dress definitely had its share of haters, but I'm rushing to its defense. LOVE the black details popping against the french vanilla crepe paper folds of the bodice and hem. And the center section, with the crimped-ruffle detail...well, let's just say it's a good thing this bitch doesn't eat solids. Another stunner from that bitchy gay, Karl Lagerfeld, that makes us want to have wine for dinner.

Shut your mouth, Molly Ringwald! I love this dress! Granted, I'd like to bust out my seam ripper and remove that art-noveau bit at the waist, and replace that cuff with a yellow-diamond bangle...but a hot dress nonetheless. It almost makes me forget about the droopy Laura Ashley florals from days of yore. ...Almost.

All in all, WAY more hates it than loves it. But hey, I got a blog out of it.

C'est la vie.