"Loves It or Hates It: Vacay-shs It" or "Tommy Bahama Mama"

"The future is nigh" or "I finally braved my iMovie program." by Tregg

That's right, folks! LIOHI has crossed over to YouTube. I am almost done uploading my first LIOHI video blog, and I am kind of excited. As soon as I was finished, I thought about changing my clothes and repositioning my laptop to do another video, giving the illusion that it was another day. But alas, I didn't do that and will only present one video tonight.

Warning: I did this VERY off the cuff and some of what I say doesn't make sense. For example, I don't explain who Kim Zolciak is, partly assuming that most of you would know, and partly because I forgot. And at the end, I meant to say I couldn't find a "clean" version of the song, meaning without the Ryan Seacrest junk on it. But after re-watching, that didn't really come across. However, there were some funny moments that I wanted to keep. And since I'm not about to start editing at this stage, I just kept it all.

Loves it? Hates it?

"The Power of Parental Suggestion" by Tregg

This weekend my mom was in town helping me move to a new apartment. I love her dearly and knew her help would be invaluable. Because let's face it, if this blog didn't hate monotony, "Moving" would be the Sick Ass of The Week, every week.

Of course, the blessing of a parent's visit is that they'll buy you stuff. Food, maybe some clothes or a tank of gas. But when you're moving and a parent visits, you can expect a lot more. Or at least if you're parents aren't tightwads.

So on her last day, my mom and I find ourselves at Target. Yes, Angelenos, that Target on La Brea and Santa Monica. As usual, even at 8:30, it was overrun with people. I would never go there that late without the deadline of my mealticket's, I mean mother's, departure to her home state looming within hours. Why would you run to Target on a Monday night? And why would you run there to get batteries and chocolate like the couple in front of me? Oh...

My mom knows a lot more about setting up a home to me, so bascially our shopping trip proved to be a lot of "Tregg, do you need _____?" "Sure, mom."

This is where the guilt comes in. I was trying to not be frivolous, but every time she suggested something, I realized how great it would be to buy that now rather than wait and get it later.

For example, shower cleaner. I definitely needed it, but sometimes I feel it is an unnecessary purchase since one only cleans his shower every so often. I can save some money by not buying that, right?

"Do you need some body wash?"
"...yes."

"How about fabric softener?"
"Yes"

"Distilled water for your iron?"
You guessed it, "Yes."

I feel like my mom could have sold me a broken VCR that night. I was powerless to say no to her, partly because she was right, and partly because I felt she'd be hurt if I said I didn't need something she suggested.

"Oh, look at this new laundry detergent scent."
"Mom, I don't need that."
"Why, you ungrateful little bastard!"

Or at least that's how I imagined it would go.

The moral of this story is, your mother is always right and knows everything. Listen to her advice. And she should probably sell real estate in this poor economy. I'd buy a condo from her.

Loves it: A Chanel Brag

Texts From Last Night TOTALLY used our text!

(323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

Here's the original context:

nicole: Do you think an esthetician would be willing/able wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch?

tregg: oh em gee. that would be so hot ass

nicole: right?

tregg: i'll try to do it tonight on myself and get back to you

nicole: So, everytime a guy gets ready to pound on it i can say "Careful, it's Chanel."

tregg: bahahahaha ok, i'll do the Louis logo then

nicole: hahahaha

tregg3: so we're distinguishable from each other

...Thanks, you guys!

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

We Kill Us

We can't lie. We crack ourselves up. We've also taken to writing down the hilarious things we say.

...Is that shallow? Enjoy.

Tregg: "I saw these hot ass boots somewhere - I forget where - and I was like "I bet Spoo would fucking loves it."

Nicole: "Hot ass."

Tregg: Yeah, they were black leather with these straps up to the ankle and a peep toe and the straps were velcro, and they were, like, grey or something."

Nicole: "Wait...the ones I blogged about?"

Tregg: "...Oh, THAT'S where I saw them."

Nicole: "You fucking idiot."

Tregg: "Do you think it's ok if we bought the Jonas Brothers CD?"

Nicole: "That depends. How old are we?"

Tregg: "Almost mid-twenties."

Nicole: "...No."

::AIM at Work::

Nicole: "Ugh. 12 mins til I take my break. What can we do for 12 minutes?"

Tregg: "Hmm...........what song can we replace the word "hates" in a lot and type it back and forth to each other?"

Tregg: "Elliott told me cottage cheese helps your muscles not to deteriorate if you eat it before you go to bed."

Nicole: "Loves it. ...Wait. Who the fuck is Elliot?"

Tregg: "So, "Piece of Me" is nominated for a VMA."

Nicole: "What?!"

Tregg: "I know. That video was trash."

::outside Tregg's apartment to pick him up::

Nicole: "Hey, we're outside."

Tregg: "Ok, I'll be right down. Are you guys bringing real clothes or just your bathing suits?"

Nicole: "Well I have a cardigan and a little skirt on over mine, and Matj is wearing a polo and his ugly board shorts. ...Oh, I gotta go, he's giving me a look."

Tregg: "Have you seen the Disturbia video?"

Nicole: "No. Is it hot ass or sick ass?"

Tregg: "It's hot ass in a sick ass way."

(After watching an Elephant paint a self-portrait on YouTube)

Tregg: "How does he know what he looks like?"

Nicole: "He's around other elephants, you retard!"

Tregg: "Oh my God. Forget I said that."

Nicole: "Hey, that guy's is cute."

Tregg: "Yeah. We hooked up a few times. He has this amazing place in Sunset Plaza."

Nicole: "Hot ASS!"

Tregg: "Yeah. I'd fuck him for the real estate alone."

Nicole: "Ugh, Spoo, I totally pigged on ice cream last night."

Tregg: "Spooey! That's not on the Hills Duff Diet Plan!"

Nicole: "Whatever! I was exasperated. ...It was exasper-eating."

Tregg: "Yay, PUNS!!"

Nicole: "Look at us! We should make babies."

Tregg: "But we both hate kids."

Nicole: "...oh."

::Morning after a party during which Tregg vomited::

Nicole: "How you feeling today, Spoo?

Tregg: "Like a million bucks, actually."

Nicole: "You are so lucky you puked up those chips we ate."

Tregg: "I know, right?!"

Nicole: "Jealous."

"You've heard of the random ass song, too?! I LOVE that random ass song." by Tregg

I want to admit a weird thing that I do.  Every time I do it I feel kind of like a loser, but it never stops me from repeating the action.  And no, I don't mean removing toilet paper rolls when I see the sheet coming from behind.  I always want it to come over the top from the front.  I never understand why people put the rolls on backward.  I mean, I guess some people don't care, so it's just a 50/50 shot, but seriously, people....

But I digress.

I won't speak for Nicole, but let me know, spoo, if you do this too.  Or anyone else, let me know if you do this.  Have you ever had someone ask you if you have heard of some really obscure song, movie, television show, etc, and you have but were convinced no one else had seen or heard of it?  When that happens to me, I always reply:  "Yes!  I LOVE [that thing]!"

What?  Those who know me know I'm not too easily excitable.  I do however, get really excited when a random interest of mine is somewhat validated by a friend.  They don't even have to like or love the thing they asked me about, they just have to have heard of it, and I am thrilled.

For example:

Friend:  "Have you ever heard that song 'Best Best' by Missy Elliott?"

Me:  "Yes!!! I LOVE that song"  

Friend:  "Oh, really?  That song is trash."

Me:  "...oh, well I mean...I don't love love it.  It's ok."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TREGG!

True to form, I found you the gayest looking cake possible.

We all wish we could be with you today in Las-Hates it, but know that you are in our hearts today more than ever.

Welcome to your almost mid-twenties. We fucking loves it.

With loves, Nicole and all twelve readers of LIOHI.

Old Catch-Phrases Die Hard

So, we were never really on the whole "Bananas" bandwagon back in the Hollaback Girl days.  Our thesaurus for "Crazy" included other words like "shit show" et al.  

But the other night when we were describing a particularly ridiculous scenario, we felt the need to drop "It was....bananas!"  

Who says that?!

But for some reason, that old adage perfectly described how we were feeling.  And we think those around us were totally on board for some vintage one-liners.

We're thinking of bringing back "neat-o" and "groovy" next.  

HOT ASS of the week: "Going out on Mondays" by Tregg

Because going out on weekends is so desperate.

Unfortunately, we didn't run into that little vixen last night, but we did see tranny extraordinaire Candis Cayne perform at The Abbey as we left the comforts of our home to cause some trouble on the first night of the week.

After we watched another scintillating episode of Gossip Girl, Loves It or Hates It, with friends in tow, hit the streets for some innocent fun.

A friend of ours was also hosting a drag night at Here Bar, so how could we resist checking that out?

However, we must say we saw tons of violators of our previously posted ban on plaid, but we're hoping the word will spread sooner than later.  Even worse, we saw plaid shorts.  At the bar.  Where do these people think they are?  I didn't know you could drink $12 martinis in $12 worth of plaid shorts.

The next time you all are feeling like the weekend was too short or that you're in the mood to come into work with bloodshot eyes and reeking of an Effen Vodka bar, put on your drinking shoes and give Mondays a taste of Friday night glory.

"I bet in high school, everybody made somebody's life hell. "

Do you ever get the feeling you talk about people WAY more than they talk about you?

We talk a lot of trash.  We also talk a lot of...untrash?  Nice things?  Whatever.  Either way, good or bad, we wonder if people we talk about ever talk about us.

We think we're interesting enough, and hopefully present enough in the community.  But is it possible we are more aware of our surroundings, or just bigger bitches, where we comment on other people's lives while they give no second opinion to ours.

For example, if you see pictures on facebook of someone you went to high school with, you may think, "Wow, he/she looks really good" or "I am so not jealous that she has two kids and lives in Cleveland."  Hopefully, accompanying these thoughts are reciprocated, either similarly or contrarily, thoughts from the party whom you've discussed.  Because surely they give enough of a shit about us to at least say our new shirt looked nice in those pics at the bar from last weekend or that the weight we recently shed and the bangs we grew are hot.

Are we right?

We'd love to know your thoughts, but in the meantime do us this favor:  Please continue to analyze, observe, question, compliment, and bash those around you.  Even if you don't know them that well or talk to them that often.  We're willing to bet they have discussed you ad naus and would take comfort in knowing you are a gossiping little shit just like they are.

"Little People Fucking Loves It" - by Tregg

I know I'm going to hell.  See you all there.

But over the weekend I attracted the attention of one particularly fun bar patron.  Once at Avalon and once at Fiesta.  Some of you may have noticed him.

He is a spunky and precocious little person.  Unfortunately, I don't know his name because it was loud at Avalon when we met, and I had to bend over significantly to hear him.

The introduction went kind of like this:

::feels grab on leg, and then on ass::

::looks around to find culprint, sees no one::

::gets grabbed again, this time looks down and sees said little person grabbing my ass and leg::

The next night, I was wearing a shirt that said "I get no kick from cocaine," and I saw him again.  The encounter went something like this:

Little person:  "I bet you get a kick from cocaine, hottie!"

Me:  "Oh, I get my kicks, but not from cocaine."

Little person:  "You want some?  I can hook it up, but you'd have to snort it off my cock!"

Me:  "Can I get another drink?!?!  Someone...??"

Needless to say it was a fun weekend, and I look forward to seeing his charming, vivacious self soon.

Anyone have any fun stories with him?