SICK ASS of the Week: "Put Your F*&#ING DOG on a F*&#ING LEASH!" by Nicole

That's right. My ass is now the SICK ASS of the week thanks to a big, scary, asshole dog who attacked me on my walk home from the gym.

Just in case you were wondering, I did legs today.

WTF??!!!!

Then people get pissed at me when I say I don't like dogs. Well excuse me, but when you get attacked by a cat or a bunny rabbit while you're listening to YOUR iPod...THEN we'll talk.

Til then, I'm sticking to my buns....GUNS.

Ugh. I hates it.

Let's Do This: Workout at Home DVDs

Just because the beach season is coming to a close, doesn't mean Loves It or Hates It plans on packing on the poundage for winter.  After all, we did skip the Super Bowl two years ago to go to Malibu.  It was 85 degrees in early February.  Thanks, you guys!

Our roommate picked up this treasure of a workout tape, and we rocked out the 20 minute core workout this morning.  It was actually very difficult, and the tension felt in our abdominal muscles was almost as palpable as the tension between Jackie and former lesbian fling Rebecca, who also appears in the video.  For those of you who don't watch the Bravo show Workout, you are really missing out.

Jackie looks amazing as do her hot ass trainers, and they give you a great ab workout while showing you ways to dial up the difficult or dial it down like the weak ass Renessa who modified every exercise.

There are also upper body and lower body portions to the DVD, totaling 60 minutes of fitness heaven.  Pick up a copy and say goodbye to that doughnut you ate from Gelson's yesterday.

HOT ASS of the week: "Going out on Mondays" by Tregg

Because going out on weekends is so desperate.

Unfortunately, we didn't run into that little vixen last night, but we did see tranny extraordinaire Candis Cayne perform at The Abbey as we left the comforts of our home to cause some trouble on the first night of the week.

After we watched another scintillating episode of Gossip Girl, Loves It or Hates It, with friends in tow, hit the streets for some innocent fun.

A friend of ours was also hosting a drag night at Here Bar, so how could we resist checking that out?

However, we must say we saw tons of violators of our previously posted ban on plaid, but we're hoping the word will spread sooner than later.  Even worse, we saw plaid shorts.  At the bar.  Where do these people think they are?  I didn't know you could drink $12 martinis in $12 worth of plaid shorts.

The next time you all are feeling like the weekend was too short or that you're in the mood to come into work with bloodshot eyes and reeking of an Effen Vodka bar, put on your drinking shoes and give Mondays a taste of Friday night glory.

"I bet in high school, everybody made somebody's life hell. "

Do you ever get the feeling you talk about people WAY more than they talk about you?

We talk a lot of trash.  We also talk a lot of...untrash?  Nice things?  Whatever.  Either way, good or bad, we wonder if people we talk about ever talk about us.

We think we're interesting enough, and hopefully present enough in the community.  But is it possible we are more aware of our surroundings, or just bigger bitches, where we comment on other people's lives while they give no second opinion to ours.

For example, if you see pictures on facebook of someone you went to high school with, you may think, "Wow, he/she looks really good" or "I am so not jealous that she has two kids and lives in Cleveland."  Hopefully, accompanying these thoughts are reciprocated, either similarly or contrarily, thoughts from the party whom you've discussed.  Because surely they give enough of a shit about us to at least say our new shirt looked nice in those pics at the bar from last weekend or that the weight we recently shed and the bangs we grew are hot.

Are we right?

We'd love to know your thoughts, but in the meantime do us this favor:  Please continue to analyze, observe, question, compliment, and bash those around you.  Even if you don't know them that well or talk to them that often.  We're willing to bet they have discussed you ad naus and would take comfort in knowing you are a gossiping little shit just like they are.

Retraction: The Exception to Plaid

We made a mistake.

Feel free to take your Burberry trench coat out of the trash can.  This plaid is acceptable.  

However, it should still be used in moderation, as in the underside of your umbrella, or a peek of plaid on the collar of your polo shirt.

Still throw out your solid plaid jacket, but you can keep your plaid socks.

And if you spray Burberry Brit anywhere near us, you can stick it anywhere.  Talk. To. Us.

Time to Retire: Plaid

We are taking a stand.  Admit it, you're guilty.

Plaid is hereby over.  Shirts, skirts, it's over.  Unless you want to look like a grungy lesbian, we think it's best that you stick to more flattering patterns like stripes, argyle, and even paisley.  

We've noticed stores like the Gap bringing the lumberjack look back for Fall 2008.  Now our loyal readers already know how we feel about Gap, but let's be more specific and talk plaid.  If you are a lumberjack, not that there's anything wrong with that, we will let you embrace flannel and all of the picnic table cloth goodness that emblazons flannel.  

But if you are going drinking, to lunch, or the movies, try not to look like a working class citizen.  We know you can clean up better than that.

And don't worry, we'll provide a list of what to do along with this rant of what not to do.

It's because we loves you.

It's Britney, bitch

The day has arrived.

We patiently, well maybe not so patiently, waited for the release of Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer" on Monday, only to learn that it was pushed back for at least a week.

::Sigh::

Well, we have faithfully been checking MTV.com every day hoping for some news, and today it was announced that New York Radio Station Z100 premiered the song today.

Let's do this!

Go to Britney.com for the exclusive launch of the new single.

We can't wait to be tearing it up tonight at Popstarz to this song.

HOT ASS of the week: "Tuscani Pasta from Pizza Hut" by Tregg

I know, I know.  Why, even after beach season ended, am I endorsing this carb-infested caloric shit show?

It is damn good people.  And so budget-conscious.

I picked up this tasty morsel, or rather, smorgasbord, Tuesday night for dinner.  After countless commercials, I had to try it.  It says it serves a family of four and comes with 5 bread sticks.  I don't know who is supposed to get that fifth bread stick, but since I bought it for myself, thank you very much for the extra piece.

This dish has been feeding me for days, and it reheats very well.  So if you've budgeted some calories in your diet for what, I'm sure, is just a tragedy to any waistline, order up!

I'm doing 400 crunches a day to combat its effects.  Lord help me.

This Song is Trash: "Stay With Me - Ironik"

We're not totally sure that this is the artist we're talking about, but it's the first thing Google Image pulled up.

Have you guys heard this song?  It starts off with a digitized baby-esque voice, saying "Brothers and sisters...it will guide you through..." yadda yadda.  We don't even have the respect for this song to look up the lyrics.  

We retired the baby voice after we retired "Try Again" by Aaliyah.  R.I.P.

We're not sure why artists who are better suited for hip-hop and rap try to do inspirational songs and even less sure why they use hideous guest singers to do the chorus.

Please, do yourself a favor and don't listen to this song.  Unfortunately, it plays on our iTunes radio at work.  We are fervently writing a letter to 1.FM as we speak.

Where for art thou? - Tostitos Gold Tortilla Chips

We love tortilla chips.  With salsa, with guac, with basically anything.  Please don't mention how we shovel salsa into our mouths to clean out the jar.  We just really love chips and condiments.

But whatever happened to our favorite chip, the Tostitos Gold?  For those who are unfamiliar, they were really thick chips intended to sustain a hearty dip.  Talk to us.

We couldn't even find a picture of the bag on Google Images.  What we did find was the Bite-Size version which is trash.  We've had them, and they don't taste as good.  And we're no food critic, but how does making a chip thicker to hold a big dollop of guac and then miniaturize it make sense?

Our hearts sadden with the extinction of these chips.  However, we suppose you can just file this under lost and forgotten joys in our life such as Jell-O pudding pops, Squeez-It juice drinks, and our virginity.

Candle-light vigil to be held tonight after 90210.