Sick Ass of the Week: "Take That to the Dartboard" by Nicole (or Tregg)

Listen dudes, I know you probably think it's a good idea to walk up to a cute girl after last call, because you're probably hoping that she's drunk and willing to go home with you to blow you in your mom's basement...but here's a tip:

Don't do it to me.

No, really. I'm on to you.

Here's a little tidbit from an exchange I had last Friday with one of said dudes to scare you away:

Hopeful Douchebag wearing striped sweater: "Hey ladies."

Me: "What's up, Stripes?"

Hopeful Douchebag wearing striped sweater: "Stripes? Why you gotta call me Stripes?"

Me: "I don't know what the fuck your name is."

::AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, SCENE::

Ok, yes, I was mildly inebriated.

But the point is this: I know what you're after. I'm not into it.

Maybe next time you'll come up to me as soon as I walk in the door, tell me I'm pretty and you like my leggings, insist on buying me cran-vodkas all night, and then politely hint that you'd like me to blow you in your mom's basement.

You know, like a gentleman.

"Oh, the weather outside, I hates it" by Nicole

HOT-ASS GIRL BLOGGER HELD CAPTIVE BY SICK-ASS WEATHER: Day three.

Did you guys know that a Milk Chocolate Snack Pack has 120 calories?

Just one of many mundane-yet-fascinating discoveries I made during this weekend's bitch-ass blanketing of the Northeast.

To quote Danny Glover in every Lethal Weapon movie: "I'm gettin' too old fo dis shit."

Seriously. I am WAY past the time in my life when snow was a good time. As my niece and nephew scramble for their gloves and hats, eager to tromp through the powdery mess, I pull the covers over my head and pray for an end to frothy precipitation.

In other news, I broke in my silver peep toes and watched the entire first season of ALF on DVD.

So, not a complete waste.

I miss LA.

Yogurt slinging

Don't you hate it when you're about to put something in your mouth, but before you even start, it gets all over your shirt?

Oh, sick ass!  Not THAT kind of yogurt slinging.  We actually mean YOGURT.  Like this Yoplait, for example.  You people disgust us.

Don't you hate when you open the foil seal and a little bit of yogurt flies onto your shirt?  Whoever decided that yogurt had to be injected with some kind of CO2 cartridge upon packing is going to get a strongly worded letter from The Loves It or Hates It Complaint Department.  And by department, we mean us.

We will take our yogurt and enjoy it.  But please package it with a lobster bib.  Or, more appropriately, a yogurt bib.

P.S.  This is our LEAST favorite flavor.  Just in case you were planning on sending us yogurt, *cough* corporate sponsorship *cough* 

"HATES IT: Stupid LA Drivers" - by Tregg

Granted, I live in a heavily populated city where public transportation is seldom used. But I don't think it's too much to ask to bring the same decorum to Los Angeles city driving that you would in smaller towns.

For example, my most recent fit of confusion and anger stemmed from an encounter I had driving home from work. I was approaching a stop light where several cars were waiting in front of me. As we all stopped, I noticed a car drifting to the right of the lane, as if to either turn or street park. I ever so slightly positioned myself in the leftmost part of the lane, as if to take its place once it moved. Well, loyal readers, the car did not park or turn, and I ended up passing it. I didn't honk, or speed past the car, or even throw up a middle finger. (Secretly, I only flip cars off from underneath my steering wheel so as to satisfy my passive-aggressive road rage but not to upset anyone because they may have a gun.) However, I wish I had my middle finger waving in the air, because as I passed this car, the driver had her window down and stuck her middle finger up at me. I didn't realize passing someone who was driving like an intoxicated 13 year old was a problem, and it was easily the most confusing action ever taken upon me by a fellow driver.

I am not a perfect driver, but I will go as far to say I am very good. Above average. So I will not apologize to this woman, not like I'll ever see her again. And boy am I glad for that, because she was definitely wearing a blue oversized flannel shirt. My only regret, looking back at the incident, was that she didn't turn later down the road, so I could have yelled perfect retort back at her: "Nice flannel shirt, bitch!"

Too much?

For your (but mainly our) viewing pleasure

Britney Spears - New Music - More Music Videos

Slightly embarrassed

Is it ok that we're kind of loving the new Jennifer Hudson song, "Spotlight" ?

Ugh, R&B music can usually ride us, but it comes on iTunes radio at work 5 times a day.  

Someone please validate this for us.  Loves it or hates it?

A LIOHI Public Service Announcement ...it's for your own good, people!

Ladies, don't get us wrong. We agree that this season's shiny black leggings are hot ass...

But, please PLEASE:

If you're gonna rock 'em on the bottom, make sure you're wearing a top that covers YOUR bottom.

Otherwise, you run the risk of your ass looking like a trash bag full of cottage cheese.

Yeah, we just quoted Paris Hilton. What of it?

We're LovesitorHatesit, and we approves this message.

"Thanks, you guys!"

"Christina Aguilera is not Lady Gaga" - by Tregg

I can't believe I'm actually interested in this enough to write about it, but I can only read PerezHilton.com for so long without commenting on this subject.

I'm sure by the end of this blog, I will have made Perez seem as definitive as a real news source.  In actuality, I feel a lot of people share his point of view, but at the end of the day I may represent  the status quo more so than he.  We'll see.  Ladies and gentleman, I present to you:  Loves It Or Hates It:  Christina v. Lady Gaga.

For those who aren't familiar with the debate, let me break it down.  Christina Aguilera has come out with this "future" theme (see "This Video is Trash:  Keeps Gettin' Better") which is very similar to Lady Gaga's current album "The Fame."

Perez is assembling an argument saying that Lady Gaga is the innovator and Christina Aguilera is the copy-cat.  Again, I will preface by saying I don't really care, and I do like both of them.  However, I find it funny how he holds Lady Gaga in such high esteem considering her infancy in the music industry.  I'd be willing to bet Christina was conceptualizing this new look and new sound around the same time as Lady Gaga or perhaps before.

It's like when a new product comes out on the market, and in a month you get a different manufacturer making virtually the same thing.  Capitalism at its finest.  It may seem like the latter company ripped off the former, but most likely the product was being developed long before.

This is where I take my stand for Christina.  She's been in the music industry for almost 10 years.  (Don't even get me started on her saying months ago it's already been ten years.  I remember hearing "Genie in a Bottle" along with "Sometimes" by Britney Spears on the radio.  "Genie" was Christina's first song, "Sometimes" was Britney's second.  Britney is celebrating her 10 years right now.  But I digress.)  

I find it funny that Perez, and I'm assuming many other people, are dissing Christina.  I'm not hating on Lady Gaga, but let's be real, she's been on the scene for all of a hot minute, and yes the similarities are obvious, I don't want to call Christina a copy-cat based on some pictures and songs that Lady Gaga released slightly ahead of Christina.

Christina is much more industry savvy and since her last album was retro-themed, this futuristic music and styling seems a natural next step.  

I can feel myself going into a slippery slope of redundancy right about now, so I will cut myself off.  Besides, I'm still jamming to "Poker Face."

Old Catch-Phrases Die Hard

So, we were never really on the whole "Bananas" bandwagon back in the Hollaback Girl days.  Our thesaurus for "Crazy" included other words like "shit show" et al.  

But the other night when we were describing a particularly ridiculous scenario, we felt the need to drop "It was....bananas!"  

Who says that?!

But for some reason, that old adage perfectly described how we were feeling.  And we think those around us were totally on board for some vintage one-liners.

We're thinking of bringing back "neat-o" and "groovy" next.  

HATES IT: Where the hell have we been?

We have been terrible, neglectful bloggers lately.  We definitely hates it.

But we're back, revitalized, and climbing out from our Thirsty Thursday hangovers to write some new material.

Let's do this people.